Day 12- Developing your Friendship with God

Point to Ponder- I'm as close to God as I choose to be.

Verse to Remember- "Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you." (James 4:8a)

Question to Consider- What practical choices will I make today in order to grow closer to God?

As I sit on the floor of my bedroom, looking out the window, I'm amazed at God's (I don't know the word I'm looking for...kindness maybe?) He is awesome...do you know that? Do you know how amazing He truly is??? What can happen in your life when you hand everything, and I mean EVERYTHING over to him?

I'm going to give you "Purpose Driven Life" in a nutshell:

1. Trust God
2. Hand everything over to Him

When you do those two things, I'm thinking things will start falling into place for you. And when I say hand everything over, I don't mean give to Him for a week, and then when you're not happy with the timing or the outcome, take it back. God sees a much bigger picture than we do.

Ok, so back to the question (sorry, I just felt led to say all that)...what practical choices can I make to grow closer to God. Pray. there's my answer. Pray about everything...in thanksgiving for the things He has given me. The opportunities, the parking spaces and the kind words. Yeah, the little things...and the big things too...the peace I've been given first and foremost, and many other things, that will not be written on this lil blog o' mine :-)

Day 11- Becoming Best Friends with God

Point to Ponder- God wants to be my best friend.

Verse to Remember- "Friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him." ( Psalm 23:14)

Question to Consider- What can I do to remind myself to think abouut God and talk to him more often throught the day?

I have a best friend...actually, a few best friends. They know me better than I know myself sometimes. They call me on my crap when I mess up, and seem to expect more out of me than what I expect of myself sometimes (usually I'm just being lazy, but they know better).

But God...wow, God...to be BFF's with him. This is not something that just happens. Just as in any relationship, it takes time to trust. That doesn't JUST happen. One has to continually talk and give of oneself. Pray without ceasing...right? Pray as if God is right there with you at all times. Aren't we called to see Jesus in everyone we come across and everything we do? So, when I'm driving, I should drive as if Jesus is in the passenger seat (although in the journey of life, he is soooo in the driver's seat, and I'm sitting shotgun )

When we constantly talk to God, and thank him for the little things, talking to him about the big things gets a little easier. Becoming BFF's with God will obviously take some time. But look at what He did for us... I think giving him my time is pretty small in comparison to that...don't you?

Day 10- The Heart of Worship...

Point to Ponder- The heart of worship is surrender.

Verse to Remember- "Surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes." (Romans 6:13b)

Question to Consider- What area of my life am I holding back from God?

The resounding answer to this question is my love life. I'm good at handing over everything else, but when it comes to my love life, I seem to keep grabbing it back. Well, I should say I USED to. For a while now, I've pretty much stopped trying when it comes to stuff like that. Yes, I still go out with my friends, but not with the goal of meeting someone. I did the online thing, and stopped doing that. It's in HIS hands now, not mine. I don't want just any random guy. If I just wanted to be in a relationship, I think I could find someone to go out with, but I don't want to be in just any relationship...I want to be in the RIGHT relationship. The one God has planned for me, if that's in his plan (and for the record, I hope it is!).

This time last year, I was dating someone who I THOUGHT was the ONE...we talked about marriage, kids, and faith...everything seemed in alignment, but something was always off. I finally realized when our relationship ended that it just wasn't meant to be. The way he ended it, the way he handled it, it just wasn't right. (not to say that it was all his fault, because it certainly wasn't...i'm partly to blame as well). I gave my whole heart, but he held back, and in the relationship of my dreams (or of God's dreams for me) I don't think I'd have that nagging feeling that something was off. I kept trying to fix it, or fix me, and I (or anyone for that matter) shouldn't have to try to fix it...No relationship is perfect; they all require work, but, it shouldn't be just one person working to fix it...it should be both. I know that now :-)

So here I am...handing it ALL over to God...I trust Him with my life.

Do you?

Day 9- What Makes God Smile?

Point to Ponder- God smiles when I trust him.

Verse to Remember- "The Lord is pleased with those who worship him and trust his love." (Psalm 147:11)

Question to Consider- Since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust him most?

I think the answer to this question is in the question itself. GOD KNOWS BEST, and if that is the case, shouldn't I trust him in ALL aspects of my life? I'm slowly starting to understand that. There are no coincidences...only the holy spirit at work. Is it a coincidence that the same amount of money I took out of my savings account to pay for my car is the same amount of money I recieved extra on my paycheck this week? I think not! I'm beginning to turn it all over to God. My love life, my financials, my job, life in general...everything. And in doing that, He's showing me that it's ok to "let go and let God". He's bigger, smarter, more powerful than me...why worry myself with things/people I can't change? To truly trust Him is very refreshing. It's not easy by any means, but I don't feel as stressed. Of course, that will likely all change once school starts, but honestly, why stress or worry over something once I place it in His hands?

Proverbs 3:5 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding". In other words, don't worry about if you don't understand it. Trust God! Let him lift the heavy stuff! Yes, it's hard to do. No, it's not easy. No one ever said it would be. But to trust Him...what faith! Do you have it?

I think you do...just let go and let GOD!

Day 8- Planned for God's Pleasure...

Point to ponder- I was planned for God's pleasure.

Verse to remember- The Lord takes pleasure in his people. (Psalm 149:4a)

Question to consider- What common task ocould I start doing as if I were doing it directly for Jesus?

This question brings Mary and Martha to mind. Mary was at Jesus' feet, while Martha was in the kitchen busily preparing for him. I need to be more like Martha at times. If I cleaned, and kept my little condo upkept as if Jesus lived there, it would NEVER get messy! If I drove as if I were carrying Jesus in the passenger seat, would I speed? Absolutly not! If I knew it were Jesus that I were meeting for lunch or anything else, would I run late? Nope! Why is it that we give the best to Jesus, but not to ourselves? Aren't we a living breathing vessel of Christ?

Day 7- The Reason for Everything...

Point to Ponder- It's all for him.

Verse to Remember- "For everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory." (Romans 11:36)

Question to consider- Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God's glory?

I think one of my biggest problems is that I am constantly going. From the time I wake up, to the time I lay down, I'm on the go. Whether it's to job #1 or job #2, lunch/dinner/drinks with friends, a movie, a running session with GCRC, I'm on the go. Yes, there are many times that I just veg out on the couch, but for the most part I'm on the go. And in being constantly busy, I don't do what I should to be aware of God's glory. For example, even though I wake up to KSBJ and I listen on my way to work, I don't take the time each morning to pray. I've done it now for almost 7 days (the last few days I didn't get my readings in until the end of the day), and starting my day in prayer seems to get me centered for my day. I'm a little bit calmer, a little less stressed, and a little more focused. I know I'm not ready for a bible study every morning, but a little time in prayer, I think, can go a long way.

And then throughout my day, I can recognize the little successes that life gives us every day as God's glory. I know people think that somethings are just coincidences, but are they really? Could it be that God is orchestrating our days for us to show us that He's here? I think so...and maybe if I just start recognizing those things, I'll feel a little closer to God.

This week, although a tad superficial because it just dealt with my car, tested me. Control is a HUGE issue for me, and I'm working on it, but this week has taught me that it's ok to give up control and let others take care of me. Not everyone has a negative ulterior motive. I'm so used to taking care of myself, that to give that up and let someone else do it seems foriegn to me, but I do promise to work on it!

Day 6- Life is a Temporary Assignment...

Point to Ponder- This world is not my home.

Verse to Remember- "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Question to Consider- How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?

I'm one of those people that's fearlessly independent. I fully admit that I like to be in control of things. I don't like to depend on others, and I most certainly don't like to ask others for help. With that said, I also don't like to step out on faith if I'm not 99.9% sure of the outcome. That's not really stepping out on faith is it? I worry about things I shouldn't worry about. I worry about what people think about me. I worry about whether or not I'll have enough money for something. I worry about whether or not I'm wearing the right thing or if people will think I'm stupid. So what if they do? In the scheme of things, is that REALLY important? When I get to the pearly gates, is St. Peter really going to wonder if I had the most up to date Coach/D&B/LV purse, or if all the light fixtures in my house matched? I certainly hope not!

I have got to stop second guessing myself. I've got to stop taking so much control, and START letting people help me. I need to stop worrying about what people think about me, and stop living with so much fear. This has been a HUGE problem for me for as long as I can remember.

Today, a couple of really good friends reminded me that it's ok to ask for help, and it's definetly ok to accept help when it's offered. It doesn't inconvenience people, because if it did, they would hopefully say no, and then you're no worse off than you were before. There is more to this life than what's seen. I just need to work on understanding that, and loving and living my life right now.

Day 5- Seeing Life from God's View...

Point to ponder- Life is a test and a trust.

Verse to remember - "Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones." (Luke 16:10a)

Question to consider: What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

3 tests....love, life, and money in the past year.

The test of love...happened almost a year ago...and I'm not sure if I passed or failed that test. On one hand, I'd say I passed. For the first time, I loved unconditionally...or at least attempted it, and gave of myself 110% without reservation, despite the obstacles before me. On the other hand, I'd say I failed miserabley...I'm not with that love anymore...I gave of myself 110% for someone who was ALMOST everything I wanted. I settled for 2nd best. I gave in to the notion of "what if this is it for me" instead of holding out for God's best for me. I let this love affect me for months after it left me, and it obviously still affects me...

The test of life...happens every day. Still not sure if I'm passing or failing this one. Life in general is great right now. I have a roof over my head, a family who loves me, friends who are awesome, a great job, a great part time job, a faith that's slowly coming back, clothes on my back, food in my fridge, and a car that runs but is in the shop at the moment, money in the bank...I think I'm passing the test of life, but there are times that I doubt myself. Part of me wonders if I'm living God's will...I mean, I think I am, but there are always those doubts. I have the gift of listening, and working with kids, and that's what I do each and every day...so yeah, I think I'm passing this one...

The test of money...one of God's hardest tests. In the past, I haven't managed my money well. This goes back to wanting more than what I have. Let's face it: I have champagne taste on a koolaide budget...but I'm slowly but surely trying to live within my means now. Getting myself back on track, finally have a little money saved up, and trying to spend so much. Heck, I haven't taken a vacation in YEARS because I just don't have the cash for it, and I refuse to charge it if I don't have teh cash for it! Of course, there are some things that just have to be charged, like my tires the other day...but for the most part, I think I'm starting to pass this test.

What's the test that I have yet to pass? Yeah, organization...I've got to get myself in check on this. Nuff said. It starts tomorrow...it has too!

The most recent test though has to be my car. It may sound superficial to you, but not having a car is always a test for me, because then I have to depend on others to get around, and if you know me, i HATE to depend or rely on others. I HATE to ask for help...I get that independence from my mother (thank you so much for that!), and I'm not complaining...but, I've got to start accepting help when it's offered, and learning to recognize when I'm way over my head and need help. There's no shame in asking for help, and I've got to start doing that. That's one test that I'm definetly failing...

The greatest matters God has entrusted to me??? My family and my friends I think...and my students. Knowing what they go through each and every day, and trying my hardest to be that positive light in their lives. Trying my hardest to be a smile for everyone, even when I'm not smiling on the inside or out. God has entrusted the hearts of everyone I love to me, and I cherish them, and hold them very near and dear to my heart. I pray that I haven't hurt any of those hearts that are entrusted to me. And if I have, for that I am truly sorry.

Day 4- Made to Last Forever...

Point to Ponder- There is more to life than just here and now.

Verse to Remember- "This world is fading away, along with everything it craves. But if you do the will of God, you will live forever." (1 John 2:17)

Question to consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop dong and the one thing I should start doing today?

This question requires some thought, because honestly, I'm not sure. Immediately the one thing I should stop doing is procrastinating. That's the first thing that comes to mind. BUT, I'm one of those people that works very well under pressure. As hard as I've tried in the past to break myself of procrastination, I always end up redoing whatever it was that I orginally did....I work well under pressure. I can't help it.

I'm not really sure what I should start doing...living more fearlessly? I wrote a blog about that. About how living fearlessly doesn't necessarily mean without fear, but to be bold on one's choices, and to go for things. Although I second guess myself, and I worry about things, most people would never know that. Usually, once I make my mind up about something, I go for it. But up until the point that I make up my mind, I'm constantly thinking about the decision to be made, and whether or not I can do it. Once I start a project (unless it's cleaning), I usually finish it. I'm, my no means, a quitter. Of course, there's one area in my life where I'm not fearless, and that's my love life. It doesn't matter if I'm head over heels in love, or even just interested in a guy. I won't ever say anything unless he asks me. Especially if I'm just interested in him and would like to go out on a date. But with that said, I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of answer Mr. Warren had in mind when he posed this question...

Ok...what's the one thing I should start doing??? I DON'T KNOW!!! I try not to pay attention to the petty stuff, because in the grand scheme of things, it really won't matter! I am a people pleaser, so maybe I should start living to please God instead of others. (most people would find that hard to believe as well...)

ugh...i don't know.

Day 3- What on Earth Am I Here For?

Point to Ponder- living on purpose is the path to peace.

Verse to Remember- "You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." (Isaiah 26:3)

Question to Consider- What would my family and friends say is the driving force with my life? What do I want it to be?

I have to say that this chapter REALLY hit home...I'm driven by so many things...by materialism (I want more than I have), by wanting to please people (I want people to be proud of me and admire me), and by fear (I stay close to home...opportunities have come to take me away, and I've let them pass me by for fear of going out into the world on my own)...

I honestly don't know what my family and friends would say is the driving force with my life...they might say that it's the want and need to succeed. They might say that I'm just crazy and they don't know why I do all the things that I do. I really don't know...so, if you're a family member or a friend of mine, please leave a comment so I know the answer to that part of the question :-)

I can tell you that I'd like the driving force to be just that I'm doing what is in God's will for me. I want to do whatever it is He has planned for me. I want to stop second-guessing myself, and just go with the opportunities that are presented to me, or the doors that are opened for me. I don't want to wonder "what if" or have any regrets. I don't want to keep wishing that he hadn't left, or wonder why he did. I want to let go of ALL the things that hold me back...mostly fear. Yes, I know...most people would seriously doubt that I'm afraid of things, but in all honesty, I am. I play it safe...I rarely take chances, unless I'm pretty sure of the outcome. Sometimes God surprises me, and gives me a completely different outcome than I was expecting and throws me for a loop. That's happened twice this year, and trust me when I say, I was not the least bit happy. BUT, I can say this...in both instances where God threw me for a loop, my prayer was always the same- Lord, do YOUR will, not mine...and in BOTH cases, He did just that. I just didn't like His answer...

Day 2- Thinking About My Purpose

Point to Ponder- I am not an accident.

Verse to Remember- "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." (Isiah 44:2)

Question to consider: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

You know, being an only child, my parents always made sure that I had a healthy self-image. Of course, once I became a teenager, all that positive self-image was thrown out the window when I was relentlessly teased and bullied at school because of my uber curly and thick hair. When I finally got to high school, instead of getting teased for my hair, questions about my nationality were always brought forward. People (girls especially) didn't like me because although I looked Black, I spoke and acted "White". It made no sense to me, because in my opinion, they were simply judging me by the color of my skin instead of the content of my character.

Yes, I've had some self-identity issues, but some would probably never believe that. I accept all about me now, because I know I'm created in the likeness and image of Christ. I've accepted the fact that I'll never be a size 2, or even a size 8. I'm not going to lie though. If I could get down to a size 10, I'd be pretty darn happy... Don't get me wrong. Although I don't like the number on the scale, all it is is a number. It does not define me. Plus, I run (or I TRY to run). I try to make decent food choices. Yes, there are days that I have "fat" days, but what woman doesn't?

All in all, I'm happy with who I am. I'm by no means perfect. I do have faults. I'm a procrastinator, I'm a perfectionist. I'm completely unorganized, and sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. I hate my nose. It's too big. I wish it were a tad bit smaller. I hate the way I look from a profile standpoint But with all that said, I am who I am. This is who God made, and other than a few high lights and contacts, I'm not changing anything. I am who I am, and I'm not going to be anyone else!

Day 1- Thinking About My Purpose

Point to Ponder- It's not all about me.

Verse- "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him" (Collossians 1:16b)

Question to Consider- In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

You know, every where I look, there's some sort of ad claiming to make me skinnier, less hairy, less grumpy, with whiter teeth, stronger abs, toner legs, etc...I'm all for keeping my temple pretty, but why? Don't get me wrong. I have my monthly maintenance rituals...mani/pedi one week, eye brow wax another, and my stylist and esthetician are on speed dial. But why do we do all this? Is this really what God had in mind when He created Eve out of Adam's rib?

I've always had the notion that my purpose for being in this world was to do something big. I don't know what "big" means, but I've always known I was destined for big things...maybe it's stardom, maybe it's not (for the record, I don't think it is). I've always wanted to make a difference in the world, and for the most part, I think I have...maybe not the global world, but at least in my little part of the world I have.

If I'm going to be brutally honest, I have to admit that I've always been a little self-centered. I've always wanted to be the center of attention, and I've always managed to bring every conversation back to me. To say that I didn't do that would defeat the purpose of this question. Who know's where it stems from, but I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm an only child of parents who weren't quite sure they could even have children. I'm spoiled rotten, and readily admit it. It's literally taken friends to say, "Hey Dawn...this time, it's NOT about you," to wake me up...and you know what? Sometimes, the truth hurts. But it's what I've needed to hear.

Alright, technically, I haven't answered the question, so I'm going to attempt to now. How can I remind myself that my life is for Him, not for me? Well, I can continue to do the things I'm already doing such as volunteering, giving of myself to help others, etc. But one thing I need to start doing once again is going back to church. I need to make a conscious effort to go to church each and every Sunday, whether I feel like it or not. I probably need to try and do some sort of daily devotional each day to remind myself as well...

Prologue...

I guess I should explain the purpose of this blog. For almost a year now, I've been mad at God. Well, maybe not mad, but we haven't been on the best of terms. He brought someone into my life; someone that I had prayed for, and then just as quickly, took that person out of my life. I fought tooth and nail, sure I was going to be hurt, but eventually gave in, because I believed that this person is who God wanted in my life...

And then, without warning, this person left.

Since the day he left, my relationship with God has taken a nosedive. No longer was I praying everyday. No longer was I going to Mass every Sunday...and even when I went, I sat there in the pews with my arms crossed, mad at the world...not taking the Word in, not listening, not caring.

Trust me...I'm still not where I want to be. I used to be ON FIRE for God. But now, not so much. I still don't go to Mass every Sunday, although I'm trying. I'm trying to get myself back on track spiritually. There is a flickering flame, but it's not the raging fire it once was...

So, here I am, reading "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. This blog will be my journal of thoughts from this book. It is here I will answer the daily questions, and hopefully figure out what the heck I'm doing here.

All I ask of you is that you pray for me. Feel free to just read, but if you would be so kind as to leave your thoughts and comments, that would be great too.

You didn't just happen to stumble across my blog...God brought you here for a reason...


Peace,
Dawn